Why It's Okay to Overshare Some Things

We all have that friend that has to immediately post every awesome meal they get, taken at edgy angles with ten filters applied.  Or that friend who updates daily about their workout in full detail.

Since the rise of social networks over the past ten years, many of us have gotten into the habit of "oversharing". Nothing is more annoying to most than "Look at this delicious food you're not eating with me!" and "I just did 100 reps of dead lifts, PRAISE ME!"

However, something good can be found in this "oversharing" of our day-to-day (still within reason, of course). I realized this one day as I was scrolling through my Instagram feed. Currently, I'm on a journey to lose weight, and quite the substantial amount (like a whole person). Because of this, I've started following many different fitness buffs and healthy eating pages, which often share a slew of food pictures and chesty muscle shots. While we're quick to be irritated at people obsessively posting the aforementioned content, what we forget is that these things are often shared for motivation and for the entire point of these websites - networking. You can get great ideas from people sharing with you what they're doing; it's a learning experience. Although most of us don't care about someone's workout routine, there's that small audience that either learned something new, or felt motivated to get off the couch. Therefore, a general good was still done. As far as food that's not even necessarily healthy, I think it's good practice to show that you're thankful for the riches in your life, no matter how simple.

How Fifty Shades of Grey is Hurting BDSM

At first, I thought of "Fifty Shades of Grey" as a positive thing, despite its origin; Ideally, this would give the world of BDSM exposure, which could be wonderful... Right? Then I realized what this actually meant for kink.

The quality of writing aside, and the real reason for concern, is that the "Fifty Shades" series ruins it for the rest of us who are actually part of the kink community. As someone strongly tied to the community, I know how fragile it can be - in the sense that general public opinion on BDSM is touchy enough.

If "vanillas" or what-have-you read this and think this is what the BDSM community is about, then it paints a bad picture (of abuse, for one thing) of the lifestyle. We will then all be lumped in with that negative connotation.

I will admit, I have not read it. Given the reviews on it from people who also loathe the writing style that is Twilight-esque (as this was based off of Twilight fanfiction), I have trusted when they say "it's a poorly written story that masks an abusive relationship as 'BDSM'". I will gladly read the book if someone lends me a copy so I can see for myself and therefore maintain a valid argument.
But if - IF - the book does indeed follow this pattern as stated by said sources and images I've seen online, then I stand by my argument that it is a literary atrocity and will truly do damage to the real kink community.

Lastly, and possibly most importantly, It's not just about public opinion. It's also about damage from within the community once the Fifty Shades of Garbage people come into it. Ignoring someone's safeword, making them experience or perform their hard limits and not practicing proper consent is not the true way of BDSM, and it's not how it should be introduced to newcomers. We've had more new people attend kink events who didn't know the general rules or etiquette of being a kinkster, which ultimately means more harassment. We don't want people to come into the community blinded by misinformation, or it wreaks hell on us. There are too many welcoming people who will be happy to teach the basics of BDSM to newcomers to let something like this happen. One can only hope that instead they will be educated and nurtured, so that they may enjoy their new curiosities with respect and knowledge.

The Power of Unplugging

I posted this to my Facebook on Saturday morning:

"While I have found some very enlightening things on Facebook, such as articles on going green and the beautiful video of Ellen Page coming out - Facebook has held me back. It's an addiction, apparently. I have been up for *three hours* and still haven't *eaten* because I've been sitting in front of my computer checking out Facebook. (Well... and paying some bills, but whatever.)

Facebook has become a drain on my IQ. Has blocked what little creative process I have. Has taken up time I could be cleaning, organizing, LEARNING, creating.

"'Liking' something cultured and thoughtful on Facebook is not the same as BEING cultured and thoughtful. 'Be the change you want to see in the world.' Go out and create. Enlighten yourself. Unplug and expand." - Me

I'm going to unplug from Facebook for a while in hopes to sort out my life, get things done and most importantly... create. If anyone else feels they need to do the same, I invite you to both share this (before logging off, hah) and join me."

Now I realize not all users of Facebook have this problem... But I know there are others like me who let it consume them. Who procrastinate and whittle down their worth by spending unnecessary time looking at LOL Cat pictures, repeated weather updates and other stupid anecdotes slapped on eCards. (And insert any other commonly seen Facebook nonsense.) There's a time and a place for mindless browsing, but we shouldn't allow it to use up all of our precious time. We're only on this Earth for so long. We were meant for much more than staring at a screen all day! (I say this as a gamer and avid internet user.) 

If you feel the same or know someone who could use this as motivation to unplug - please share!

2013, Thou Art a Cray-cray Wench

In August I wrote a blog about how 2013 has been the most intense year of my life and it wasn't even over yet. Well now it is over and I can say that it's been one hell of a ride. A lot of pain with the passing of loved ones, but a lot of joy with an equal amount of births and pregnancies and most importantly - finding my love, Harley. Except for the friends lost, this has been one of the best years of my life. I found a peace within myself, found my soul mate and achieved more than I thought I could, even if only in baby steps. So with a heavy heart I say a bittersweet good-bye to 2013.

Farewell, 2013. It's been... bi-polar.

Blessed

Good evening, few and varied readers,

Lately I've been overwhelmed with gratitude, and I have to tell you - it feels fantastic. Finances are hard and I don't have an ideal living situation compared to what I expected myself to have by the age of twenty six nor the career. Yet I find that even given all of that, I'm insanely well off. Down to the tiniest detail of things, the silly "little things", I am just thankful for so much, despite financial hardships, health issues and lacking a solid career.

First and foremost, I'm thankful for my boyfriend. He has improved my life in ways I can't even begin to say. To me, he is perfect. We fit each other so well and he continues to astonish me every day with the things he does or says. I've never been so happy with someone in my life and I hope everyone I love can find what I have found with him if they have not already. He is my everything.

I'm thankful for the roof over my head. For having a decent apartment for the first time in my life that feels like an actual apartment, like something I'm responsible for and I'm not just sub-letting or a charity case.

I'm thankful for sex. Among it being one of my favoritest things EVER (because duh, it's sex), it is also theraputic, an anti-depressant, exercise and a great way to be close to the man I love. And COME ON, it's sex for fuck's sake. It's pretty much the best thing ever.

I'm thankful for the food I get to eat. Despite financial problems, I have been able to eat very well. (Now I just need to eat *healthy* foods, of course.) I'm thankful for being able to go out to a restaurant with my Sir and friends on ocassion. It truly is a blessing. And the breakfasts we share are often plentiful, delicious and cozy. 

I'm thankful for my friends. Without my support system I wouldn't have made it this far. I wouldn't have such amazing and fun memories. My friends support me through difficult times and have helped push me to be a better person. In past times, my friends have quite literally kept me alive. And I'm thankful for reconnecting with old friends or rebuilding friendships that had been damaged.

I'm thankful for getting the toxic people out of my life. For seeing things clearer and slowly becoming more of who I've always wanted to be. For enduring pain that was necessary to grow.

I'm thankful for my pets. My cat is an asshole, but he's a loveable asshole. He's adorable and comforts me when I'm sad, kneads my belly and keeps me company when the Sir is away. And I'm thankful for Houdini, for I have always wanted a snake. And Houdini is so cute. <3

I'm thankful for my tech. Something as simple as my awesome Android phone makes me happy. It has worked the best out of all of my phones, and the crisp graphics are so shiny! I love having my XBox so I can game with people when I'm stuck in the house.

I'm thankful for my car. Despite it costing me $600+ a month between payments, gas and insurance, I've gone without a car for over three years before and being without a car is the worst. I'm happy to have my car despite the expenses, I need to be able to have my freedom.

I'm thankful for my job. As much as it drives me nuts to deal with idiots all day, I have the best job I've ever had in my life and they treat me very well. The office environment is one of the best I've ever worked in, too.

I'm thankful for music. I feel like music has saved my life, too. Music is my religion.

There are so many other "little things" I'm thankful for. A washer and dryer. Tattoos. SHOWERS. Incense. Video games. Renaissance faire. The internet. Crafting. Piercings. Driving with the windows down, music up. Booze. Parties. Meditation. Smoking hookah while listening to Beats Antique by candlelight. Oh yeah... candles!

Despite all the pain that existing in this world comes with, there's so much beauty. And without the use of drugs or any other outside substance, I have been able to become so in love with these little things. To appreciate them. Everything is a small miracle.

TLDR; version - I'm thankful as FUCK! hahaha

A Look Into Some of the Insanity

~*`An explanation as to the source of my incredibly toxic Twitter posts as of late... `*~


I know it seems pathetic to vent so much on a social network, to cry out to friends and complain about how depressed I am and that I want to kill myself. It seems juvenile. But these aren't cries for attention... they're cries for help. Currently I have no transportation to get myself to counseling, so I only have my friends and family to turn to. I've heard every reason not to give in. "You'd be hurting those around you", "your life isn't that bad", "there's nothing in this world worth killing yourself over".

I can't argue much with the first reason, as much as it almost makes me regret having people that care about me. I don't want to hurt anyone, though I don't have enough of a sense of self-worth to really feel like I'd matter much a month after my demise. The second reason I can easily tear down. I know my life isn't horrible compared to many, many others. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach (most of the time) and clothes on my back. I have people who care about me and things to keep me busy. But despite all of that, I constantly feel down. I try to tell myself over and over that I'm lucky compared to many and that I'm selfish for being so depressed all the time. But the depression doesn't go away and neither do my manic thoughts or feelings of intense emotional pain. The frontal lobes of my brain seem broken, constantly compromising my rationality. I'm bitter, jaded, angry, tired... It's like no matter how hard I try to "just cheer up" and get over my shit, it won't go away. I never used to believe in clinical depression or bi-polar disorder. I thought it was just psycho-babble bullshit made up by psychiatrists to make an excuse for people who were just mopey fuckers so they could try to sell them on equally bullshit medication and send them on their not-so-merry way. Well, now I'm a believer. This shit has to be real, because I can't think of any other explanation as to why every day is such a struggle to keep my emotions in check or be happy. And lately, given certain circumstances, I feel like the anger and sorrow is going to literally kill me, whether it be an involuntary heart attack or a decision to finally off myself. Every day feels harder and harder to "hold on" and I'm sick of doing it. Life isn't about forcing yourself to "hold on". It's about doing what good you can with your time and being happy. "There's nothing in this world worth killing yourself over". There's PLENTY in this world worth killing yourself over. I'm a cynic, yes. It's not a good quality, but it's a part of me. Humanity can be so beautiful; we possess so many qualities that can be and are used for good. But then every time you turn around, there's someone to fuck it up. People lie, they cheat, they hurt, they betray. It almost seems not worth living in a world where you don't know who you can trust, because, to quote a movie I watched two nights ago... "We only have each other". Why put yourself through that if you don't have to? Why would the Higher Power insist on making us feel pain so frequently?

As I write this, I'm watching a movie called "Wristcutters", which is either the best thing for me to watch right now, or the worst thing. Yes, the movie plot is pretty well explained by the title.

I've struggled with thoughts of suicide almost my entire life, like it's a part of my fucking DNA. I actually drew up a suicide plan at the age of about 6 or so, and it terrified my mother. I don't tell many people that, but now I feel I should share it. My ongoing battle with suicidal thoughts might be something to be ashamed of, but it's a part of me and I cannot hide it, just as no alcoholic or drug addict can hide their addiction.

I was afraid to write this blog and I'm afraid to publish it. But if I didn't tell someone how I felt, if I didn't get it written down and out there... It would remain bottled within me and antagonize me further. I'd rather be that creepy goth bitch who is entirely too depressing, "emo" and pathetic than keep it inside me until it eats its way out.

I'm holding on, to the best of my ability. I know that there's help for me out there and that it will get better. The trick is holding on until that happens, which is the hardest part. Giving up would be so easy and I so badly yearn to give up...

I hope no one judges me poorly for this blog. I'm coping in as many ways as I can to keep myself going. If I lose anyone over this, I deeply regret it, but won't be surprised. I know a lot of people who don't want to associate themselves with "that person", and I suppose at this juncture I could be seen as "that person". I'm working on getting help, because only I can take the steps to getting myself fixed. I want to be better. I want to be happy again.

And I will be.

Oh No, Not Another One!

~*` Ah, blogs. How the world has abused you. `*~


This has to be at least my fifth blog. It all started with DeadJournal - oh, my beloved DeadJournal. Then I joined LiveJournal. Then I "blogged" on MySpace. MySpace was practically abandoned, now I write "notes" on Facebook. DeadJournal and LiveJournal still get used... occasionally. Oh yes, and I have a "Xanga", but I haven't touched that poor little thing in ages either. I essentially decided to create this blog so that my long Twitter posts had somewhere to go. (Wanting to share a long document on Safety Information, I figured this would be a good idea.) I'm sure from time to time I will write something "substantial" in here. Or maybe it will just be my incessant rambling. Hell, this probably won't even get read. Regardless! This blog is here, and it is mine. (Or so the internet tells me.)


Wicked Wishes,

~*` P i x i e `*~